chapter 23 "poor smudges of paint..."

This morning, as I'm drinking coffee and listening to worship music, I read a devotional that spoke of God's artistry, workmanship and all around great talent in being God. It spoke of His purpose for our lives, and how He is not undecided in what that is. I've been asking the Lord lately what my purpose is, and as my brother very wisely (and quickly!) pointed out, His purpose is for me to be happy, truly. To travel, eat, pray, love, wander...and I am awed that the creator of this universe, created it just for me and just for you. For His glory, so that others can see it, so that others veils can be lifted and receive Him in their hearts.

"Art is not what you see, but what you make others see." |Degas


What I feel and what I felt this weekend when we were up at Broken Bow, OK was the unchanging truth that God is a big God. I was telling a friend that there's nothing quite like the mountains to make God bigness and man's smallness come into perspective.  And that He called me out of my darkness into His light fills me with joy.


"I am the work of your hands." |Isaiah 64:8

We're "poor smudges of paint" (C.H. Spurgeon), the reading said, that God uses to pour His grace into a dark World that desperately needs light to shine. The truth that I could be part of that light is daunting and exciting at the same time. What is my purpose?

When I am stirred to love someone, even in a small way, I see how awesome He is in creating me for that precise moment. That He would even consider me to carry out anything in His name is humbling. It fills my heart that whenever I say, "yes" to Him, He uses me to bless others.

When I say, "yes" to His promptings, His story is being told.

I'm thankful for that. So, so thankful. 

chapter 22 for freedom

Reading from a devotional tonight, I came across Galatians 3:23-29

"Therefore the law was our tutor to bring us to christ, that we might be justified by faith."

The law brought us to Christ. It show us our true nature and our need for a holy God to save us. In Christ, we're free from our nature because we receive His: Christ in us.

God calls us to freedom in His son, which means that before Christ, we were slaves to something else. We were held captive by the World and we served it. Now, in Christ, we're enslaved by His love that convicts us, moves us and makes us bold. We're a new creation. We no longer serve the World and its pleasures, we serve God almighty and He's good.

Who I am in Christ...is free. Free from my guilt and my anger, my frustration, stress, loneliness and sin. 

I confess I don't always live in this freedom; in fact, most of the time I go back to being enslaved all over again by who I used to be. I don't love like I should, like the Lord calls me to. I'm easily angered, frustrated and depressed.

If the life that resurrected Christ from the dead lives in me, why do I live like I myself died in that tomb but didn't come back to life?

"...for freedom christ has set us free." | Galatians 5:1

I don't want to live with a veil over my heart (2 Corinthians 3:15) when I know firsthand about the freedom I've been called to.

How can I talk to others about the freedom found in Christ, if I'm not living in it myself? How can I talk about Christ's love if I'm not loving others? The answer is, I can't. You can't pour out of an empty cup.

The Spirit fills our longings
for truth, freedom, love, joy

and pours grace over us
as we call out to a God
who calls us to freedom

whose very life is in us
Christ, the living God

Messiah

I'm praying for gentle reminders that in Christ I am free. I am free to love my family, friends, strangers...free to love myself.

for freedom.


chapter 21, a study in kindness

people always seem genuinely surprised when you extend kindness to them, as if kindness is the last thing they expect out of this World. people celebrate 12 days of kindness in an effort to evoke sympathy in people's hearts.

I even find myself having to choose kindness when I really want to choose the opposite.



Nehemiah 9:17

"...But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore, you did not desert them."

When you abound in love, you abound in kindness. When you're in Christ, you don't think twice about loving people through kindness, compassion, patience and grace.

Let kindness abound where darkness seems to win.  

Proverbs 19:22

"What a person desires is unfailing love;"
People need to see love. They need us to show kindness in a World where love is fading + is being replaced by a sorry copy that will never satisfy like the real love of Christ does.

Abound in kindness, let it overflow.

 Kindness upon kindness.

Further reading: 40 best Bible verse about kindness 

Chapter 19, community: part 1

 What I've learned about community so far,

. . .


God knows I would rather be alone than with people. I'd rather lock myself in my room with a book or Netflix + forget the World.




I've never noticed how truly lonely that is.

I'm a homebody. I crave a good book, a blanket + nothing else. It worries me that it never worried me how comfortable I am with being alone. Lately, I've been encouraged to seek community. And while it's overwhelming  + I would truly just as well stay home, I'm starting to see the blessing of opening up and letting people in my island. It all boils down to trust and intentionality. How do I stay growing in Christ if I'm not with His Church?

"A lack of Church life makes us vulnerable to the enemy."- Steven J. Cole

In order to put on the full armor of Christ, I have to get into a community of believers who will encourage me + whom I can encourage.



"Your vibe attracts your tribe."
Makes me wonder sometimes, what I am attracting? Am I glorifying Christ with my action, my words + attitude?

who am I attracting?


. . .



Further reading: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

chapter 17, reflections on easter + some nuggets and worms with coffee


I appreciate the beauty of these three days + the impact those three days many, many years ago had on my life, right now. 

to be honest, i don't appreciate it nearly as much as I should, nor do I spend the time to really meditate  + reflect on the beauty of what Christ did at the cross, and then at the tomb. i take it for granted some times (read: a lot of times). 

my brother makes the most bomb coffee, ever. 


but, God. 

He doesn't give up on me, He fights for me + He loves me, deeply. my prayer is that I love Him + others with that same intensity. That I walk a life that honors Him and brings Him glory. I think about this some times and I wonder what I reflect when others look at me. I am not perfect, I fail Him daily and my love for Him seems lacking somehow. 

can I have some sauce to go with these nuggets?

but, God. 

it took me a while to write this post. part of me felt inadequate to write about God, because I'm so broken and so undeserving. i am in no way trying to excuse sin, but I think that God loves us because of our broken, because of our wandering hearts. He loves us because He is God and there is so much love in Him. i'm honored that He chooses to love me. my prayer is that He will give me a heart for Him all my days, that I will bring glory to His name, that for all my days, I will love Him with all my heart.

Book nerd in the making.

chapter 16, a wilderness

silence rains steadily
against my soul

a desert place where
there is no drink 

a storm of dust 
rages war within me

my heart, failing
my Spirit stands, waiting


waiting means taking God as our refuge, as our rock. it means not being moved or troubled by the distractions of this World that cause us grief. it means I believe in His promises; that they will pass.

in quietness + confidence shall be your strength, Is. 30:15

wilderness is a place of waiting, of taking courage and not losing heart (Ps. 27: 13-14).

rejoice in the wilderness.

may He be glorified in mine.

Amen.

Chapter 15: Pico de gallo situation

Pico de gallo, my lifetime friend. Goes well with everything and you can do no wrong when it comes to making it (read: easiest recipe evah')

Ingredientes:

- Two handfuls of fresh cilantro
- 1 1/2 white onion
- 1 lemon
- 3 tsps salt
- 4 tsps vinegar

|I made a big batch, measurements will vary to amount made.|

Easy peezy instrucciones:

- cut onion in small pieces (the smaller the better)
- cut and squeeze lemon on onions; mix
- pour vinegar; mix
- cut and wash cilantro, and add to the onions; mix
- cut tomatoes in halves and slice, add to onions and cilantro, but don't mix right away
- sprinkle salt and then mix

I'm sure you can just mix it all together, but I find letting the onions rest with the lemon and vinegar allows for a  much better mixing of ingredients. Again, with the salt, I sprinkle on top of the tomatoes and then mix. That's just me though! Again, no way you could mess this up!

I paired mine with fish tacos. Da bomb ✊🏼





chapter 14, plant based: a balancing act

I'm smack dab in the middle of a three day plant based challenge. Guess what? Totally just ate Ben + Jerry's. Am I feeling guilty? Maybe. Weight has always been a struggle for me. Recently, as I'm about to turn 30, I've started to shift my mindset from "struggling" to "bring kind to myself"; and that includes my body.

I love food and in the process of being kind to myself, I've started researching  what foods are kindest to my body and a "plant based" diet (in terms of how I feed my body regularly) has consistently been on the forefront of my mind. I'm huge on: reading books, blogs, articles + watching documentaries...if I'm going to change an important part of my life, I better understand the ins and outs. 

Seeing other people live out a plant based diet helps because it reminds me that it can be done. Doing challenges, however long or short, shifts my mindset and helps me take inventory of my kitchen. You'd be surprised at how many hidden ingredients (read: chemicals, highly processed) are in your pantry. 

My goal this year is to adopt a plant based diet that is also forgiving of Ben + Jerry's Fudge Brownie being on my cart at the end of a long day. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself the ice cream. Eat the cake. But, keep taking steps toward your goals, whatever they may be. I chose the plant based route because it appeals to me and it works the best for my needs. Search out what works for you, do lots of research + go! 

By the way, it was d e l i c i o u s.

chapter 13, mary & martha: an observation

i was reading Luke 10:38, the story of martha & mary, lazarus' sisters. A few things struck me as I was reading this passage:

martha:


  • she welcomed Him into her home: how many times have i not welcomed Jesus into my home, my heart, troubles, work, stress, E T C? i think for all of us who are earnestly looking to God, we have to first let Him in. we keep shutting Him out, we lose on a real opportunity to experience grace. we start becoming numb to His calling and we may start inviting other things into our lives instead. 
  • she was distracted: i don't know about anyone else, but man! i get so distracted by everyday life: my job, friendships, family, bills...the list could go on, fill this entire blog post and still find no end in sight. i get distracted easily because i am a worrier. i said it, i worry a lot. about everything, everyone...i get worried even while i'm praying. i don't know how to stop being a worrier, but i'm sincerely praying for this to be. instead of being a worrier, i would love to be praying woman. a woman who goes to the Lord in my Spirit and trust in His comfort and wisdom, strength and grace. 
mary: 

  • she sat at Jesus' feet: amidst the worry, the distractions + the serving, mary just sat, listened to Jesus and breathed life to her Spirit. see, i've noticed that even in serving the Lord in any manner, we can become distracted and lose sight of why we're serving in the first place. martha wasn't doing an evil thing by wanting to serve and have everything in order, she was after all serving Jesus in her home, but she let that be the source of her contentment, of her identity and fullness and not Jesus. mary, on the other hand, saw what was truly needed in a normal christian life: a heart and Spirit that sits at the feet of Jesus and drinks Him in. a life that empties itself of the World and gets full of Christ. we have to be replenished continually, lest we run dry. 
  • she gave Him something very costly to her: i wonder if mary ever second guessed giving her oil to wash Jesus' feet. i wonder if she got worried thinking, "if i give Him my most precious possession, what will i have left?...will it be enough? will He like the oil?"...i wonder sometimes, if i give Jesus my desire to be married, will He make good on it and not give me a husband? if i give Him my teaching career, will He make me stay there and not open other doors for career options? if I truly start writing for Him, will He push me to write difficult things and push my faith? with the little i give Him, will He be able to truly bless others? will I fall short?
Jesus:
  • "but I want you to be without care."- 1 Cor. 7:32, i could post a hundred different bible verses that speak of trust, i almost stopped right here and started looking for them. but, isn't this the sum of all of them? He wants us to be without care, because He loves us and He has a plan. He wants us to trust Him and His timing. i read once that He is looking to see how we react. this has stuck with me...how do i react when i don't get my way or when He requires something of me that i'm scared to give up?...He looks to see how we trust Him in our lives and how we use what He has given us. 

i hope you remember that He wants you to be without care and that He loves you.

chapter 12

i'm making myself write today, because i haven't in a while and writing has always been my favorite.

my favorite outlet for everything that's affecting me, be it happy or sad.

midmorning i had a quiet time with the Lord. i had my favorite worship music on and my Bible with me; all is right with my soul.

i oftentimes feel heavy with the weight of this world. i realize i'm not part of this world and that my citizenship is heaven (Phil. 3:20), but still, i live here and frankly, sometimes it sucks.

i don't know that there's every been another time in my life where i've felt the negativity of people more than recently.

but, we talk about love and tolerance and compassion. and i honestly wonder if we even know what those words mean.

i can't define them for every person. but i can for myself.

for me, love is Christ. everything else is just a shadow of that and nothing will ever compare.

tolerance for me has always meant, respecting other's opinions even when they're not my own. when i respect i don't judge, bully, gossip or tarnish that person...just saying.

compassion is a pretty word. i like that it has the word passion in it...if i were to define it, i guess i'd have to say that having compassion is having passion for loving others, fiercely.


here's to loving fiercely, like Christ does.

chapter 11

2 Timothy 4:3-4

" For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."

chapter 10

relationships.

this is the word i'm currently thinking about. families, friends, spouses, colleagues...you name it.

relationships are a huge part of our lives.

Jesus was big on relationships. the whole foundation of christianity is based on it. specifically, our relationship with Him. then, our relationships with others. if loving God above all else is a goal i'm striving towards, loving others should be equal to that. because, when you love others, essentially you are more like God than any other time. more than when you tithe, sing praise or read the Bible. these three are important, to be sure. but, if the greatest of all things is love (1 Cor. 13:13), we should take a closer look at what loving others looks like.

i started writing this post about three weeks ago. just rereading it makes me remember just how hard loving others can seem at times. especially, when they do things that might make them, by our terms, unloveable.

 but, Jesus called us to love everyone.

he called us to love our enemies, those who persecute us (Mat. 5:44).

that's hard. but, didn't He loves us when we were His enemy? when we persecuted Him? if it wasn't for that love, we might still be in that same condition.

but, here we are.

and, there they are...the ones who persecute us...our enemies. the hate. the division. the gossip.

let's love.

Ephesians 2:14
Christ himself is our peace. He has made Jews and Gentiles into one group of people.
He has destroyed the hatred that was like a wall between us.





chapter 9

i cooked today.

it's one of my favorite things.

i also listened to music while cooking.

definitely one of my favorite things.

one gives me a sense of purpose; the other, peace.

"so, let go my soul and trust in Him.
the waves and wind still know His
name."

i've been listening to this song a lot lately. mostly because it keeps popping up on social media & most recently my playlist.

there's a lot i have to let go of & trust God with. i thought i had surrendered it all to Him last sunday, but lo' and behold, i grabbed hold of it again. and isn't that just like me to do that. to not trust.

tonight i'm surrendering it all to Him...again. however many times it takes, i will surrender my life, thoughts, dreams, desires to Him. because, being in the center of His will is what i want the most. and the first step will always be surrender; the surrender of my own will for His.

it's harder done than said (or something like that).

it's intentional. it's being purposeful and bold, confident & humble before God. being transparent with our hearts. being joyful in the middle of the mess.

He's not ashamed of our mess. He loves us in the middle of it.

i believe that.

so, whatever mess we're carrying, we can take a load off & just give it to Him..

He can take the hits.

He loves us.

period.



chapter 8

exercising.

that dreaded word.

the most used beginning of the year resolution cliché.

i've been working out for three weeks now with my dad.

it's not as bad as i thought. and as far as clichés go, it might actually be a good one to stick to.

there's a whole science behind why it's important to exercise our bodies. it boosts our metabolism, strengthens muscles, including the heart. sounds great.

but, what about our SPIRIT? what about that muscle? the one that connects us to God.

if you're not a christian, you probably either already closed the window or you're frowning.

it's ok. i understand. how can you love someone you haven't seen?

but i love God. because He saw (and sees) all that i am and loves me back, to overflow. i know this, because i look at my life and it's beautiful. beautiful because it's been broken, imperfect, dry; a wasteland. and He made a way for me in my wilderness and my life into a stream (Is. 43:19). He can do that for anyone that wants Him to. He doesn't promise a life void of deserts or valleys, but He does promise that He will never leave us.

why doesn't He anyway?

i think it's because broken people are the most beautiful. the better equipped to show His love to others. i believe that.

the message in church this morning was simple: "being in God's will is better. but, it may not be easier; look at Jesus, look at Paul."

but, it's better.

and i want better.

Isaiah 43:19

"See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland."



*public library finds*
*support your local library*

* Post-workout smoothie:
-2 scoops protein powder
- 1 tbsp. raw cacao powder (for metabolism and hormone balance)
- 1 tbsp. chia seed (great detoxifier)
- 1 cup almond milk
- ice
- blend

chapter 7

today i visited my city's REI outdoor school. i first heard about them through grace luna's instagram page. i've been following her account for over a year now and i am inspired by her willingness to try something new & become part of the outdoors community: a group of people that are intentional about living a full life that appreciates and protects the earth we've been given.

i like that.

today i went to my first outdoors class where we talked about the basics of hiking. the, "where are you going? what are you going to do once you get there? who are you going with?" questions that you have to reflect on as you're planning a hike. our leader taught us about proper gear (i.e clothing, backpack, etc.), places to visit and of course, the ten essentialsif you want to go anywhere, you have to follow them; they're basic, practical and potentially life saving.

some cool people were met, stickers passed out and a kindling into the outdoors took life.

one thing i've noticed is that Jesus liked to be outdoors; He was always sharing the message outside, gathering by rivers, under the shade of a tree and on a hill. so many Psalms use the outdoors to describe Him and the christian life.
*seen at REI's community room*

i like that too.

i remember when i was younger believing that when the wind blew and rustled the leaves, God was speaking to me. i don't remember what set that thought beating, but i remember being sure of it.

i want Him to speak to me. i want this year to be about abiding in Him, trusting His love for me & listening to His voice.

i hope the wind blows a lot this year. i hope the leaves rustle. i hope i'll be listening.

i don't know where this 'outdoors' venture will bring, where it will take me & how far. but, i'm not ignoring the things that excite me anymore. i'm listening to the leaves this time.

Psalm 65


Praise awaits you, our God, in Zion;
to you our vows will be fulfilled.

You who answer prayer,
to you all people will come.

When we were overwhelmed by sins,
you forgave our transgressions.

Blessed are those you choose
and bring near to live in your courts!
We are filled with the good things of your house,
of your holy temple.


You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds,
God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
and of the farthest seas,
who formed the mountains by your power,
having armed yourself with strength,
who stilled the roaring of the seas,
the roaring of their waves,
and the turmoil of the nations.

The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
where morning dawns, where evening fades,
you call forth songs of joy.
  
You care for the land and water it;
you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
to provide the people with grain,
for so you have ordained it.
You drench its furrows and level its ridges;
you soften it with showers and bless its crops.
You crown the year with your bounty,
and your carts overflow with abundance.
The grasslands of the wilderness overflow;
the hills are clothed with gladness.
The meadows are covered with flocks
and the valleys are mantled with grain;
they shout for joy and sing.



*seen at REI's community room*