chapter 17, reflections on easter + some nuggets and worms with coffee

I appreciate the beauty of these three days + the impact those three days many, many years ago had on my life, right now. 

to be honest, i don't appreciate it nearly as much as I should, nor do I spend the time to really meditate  + reflect on the beauty of what Christ did at the cross, and then at the tomb. i take it for granted some times (read: a lot of times). 

my brother makes the most bomb coffee, ever. 

but, God. 

He doesn't give up on me, He fights for me + He loves me, deeply. my prayer is that I love Him + others with that same intensity. That I walk a life that honors Him and brings Him glory. I think about this some times and I wonder what I reflect when others look at me. I am not perfect, I fail Him daily and my love for Him seems lacking somehow. 

can I have some sauce to go with these nuggets?

but, God. 

it took me a while to write this post. part of me felt inadequate to write about God, because I'm so broken and so undeserving. i am in no way trying to excuse sin, but I think that God loves us because of our broken, because of our wandering hearts. He loves us because He is God and there is so much love in Him. i'm honored that He chooses to love me. my prayer is that He will give me a heart for Him all my days, that I will bring glory to His name, that for all my days, I will love Him with all my heart.

Book nerd in the making.

chapter 16, a wilderness

silence rains steadily
against my soul

a desert place where
there is no drink 

a storm of dust 
rages war within me

my heart, failing
my Spirit stands, waiting


waiting means taking God as our refuge, as our rock. it means not being moved or troubled by the distractions of this World that cause us grief. it means I believe in His promises; that they will pass.

in quietness + confidence shall be your strength, Is. 30:15

wilderness is a place of waiting, of taking courage and not losing heart (Ps. 27: 13-14).

rejoice in the wilderness.

may He be glorified in mine.

Amen.

Chapter 15: Pico de gallo situation

Pico de gallo, my lifetime friend. Goes well with everything and you can do no wrong when it comes to making it (read: easiest recipe evah')

Ingredientes:

- Two handfuls of fresh cilantro
- 1 1/2 white onion
- 1 lemon
- 3 tsps salt
- 4 tsps vinegar

|I made a big batch, measurements will vary to amount made.|

Easy peezy instrucciones:

- cut onion in small pieces (the smaller the better)
- cut and squeeze lemon on onions; mix
- pour vinegar; mix
- cut and wash cilantro, and add to the onions; mix
- cut tomatoes in halves and slice, add to onions and cilantro, but don't mix right away
- sprinkle salt and then mix

I'm sure you can just mix it all together, but I find letting the onions rest with the lemon and vinegar allows for a  much better mixing of ingredients. Again, with the salt, I sprinkle on top of the tomatoes and then mix. That's just me though! Again, no way you could mess this up!

I paired mine with fish tacos. Da bomb ✊🏼

chapter 14, plant based: a balancing act

I'm smack dab in the middle of a three day plant based challenge. Guess what? Totally just ate Ben + Jerry's. Am I feeling guilty? Maybe. Weight has always been a struggle for me. Recently, as I'm about to turn 30, I've started to shift my mindset from "struggling" to "bring kind to myself"; and that includes my body.

I love food and in the process of being kind to myself, I've started researching  what foods are kindest to my body and a "plant based" diet (in terms of how I feed my body regularly) has consistently been on the forefront of my mind. I'm huge on: reading books, blogs, articles + watching documentaries...if I'm going to change an important part of my life, I better understand the ins and outs. 

Seeing other people live out a plant based diet helps because it reminds me that it can be done. Doing challenges, however long or short, shifts my mindset and helps me take inventory of my kitchen. You'd be surprised at how many hidden ingredients (read: chemicals, highly processed) are in your pantry. 

My goal this year is to adopt a plant based diet that is also forgiving of Ben + Jerry's Fudge Brownie being on my cart at the end of a long day. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself the ice cream. Eat the cake. But, keep taking steps toward your goals, whatever they may be. I chose the plant based route because it appeals to me and it works the best for my needs. Search out what works for you, do lots of research + go! 

By the way, it was d e l i c i o u s.

chapter 13, mary & martha: an observation

i was reading Luke 10:38, the story of martha & mary, lazarus' sisters. A few things struck me as I was reading this passage:

martha:

• she welcomed Him into her home: how many times have i not welcomed Jesus into my home, my heart, troubles, work, stress, E T C? i think for all of us who are earnestly looking to God, we have to first let Him in. we keep shutting Him out, we lose on a real opportunity to experience grace. we start becoming numb to His calling and we may start inviting other things into our lives instead. 
• she was distracted: i don't know about anyone else, but man! i get so distracted by everyday life: my job, friendships, family, bills...the list could go on, fill this entire blog post and still find no end in sight. i get distracted easily because i am a worrier. i said it, i worry a lot. about everything, everyone...i get worried even while i'm praying. i don't know how to stop being a worrier, but i'm sincerely praying for this to be. instead of being a worrier, i would love to be praying woman. a woman who goes to the Lord in my Spirit and trust in His comfort and wisdom, strength and grace. 

mary: 

• she sat at Jesus' feet: amidst the worry, the distractions + the serving, mary just sat, listened to Jesus and breathed life to her Spirit. see, i've noticed that even in serving the Lord in any manner, we can become distracted and lose sight of why we're serving in the first place. martha wasn't doing an evil thing by wanting to serve and have everything in order, she was after all serving Jesus in her home, but she let that be the source of her contentment, of her identity and fullness and not Jesus. mary, on the other hand, saw what was truly needed in a normal christian life: a heart and Spirit that sits at the feet of Jesus and drinks Him in. a life that empties itself of the World and gets full of Christ. we have to be replenished continually, lest we run dry. 
• she gave Him something very costly to her: i wonder if mary ever second guessed giving her oil to wash Jesus' feet. i wonder if she got worried thinking, "if i give Him my most precious possession, what will i have left?...will it be enough? will He like the oil?"...i wonder sometimes, if i give Jesus my desire to be married, will He make good on it and not give me a husband? if i give Him my teaching career, will He make me stay there and not open other doors for career options? if I truly start writing for Him, will He push me to write difficult things and push my faith? with the little i give Him, will He be able to truly bless others? will I fall short?

Jesus:

• "but I want you to be without care."- 1 Cor. 7:32, i could post a hundred different bible verses that speak of trust, i almost stopped right here and started looking for them. but, isn't this the sum of all of them? He wants us to be without care, because He loves us and He has a plan. He wants us to trust Him and His timing. i read once that He is looking to see how we react. this has stuck with me...how do i react when i don't get my way or when He requires something of me that i'm scared to give up?...He looks to see how we trust Him in our lives and how we use what He has given us. 

i hope you remember that He wants you to be without care and that He loves you.

chapter 12

i'm making myself write today, because i haven't in a while and writing has always been my favorite.

my favorite outlet for everything that's affecting me, be it happy or sad.

midmorning i had a quiet time with the Lord. i had my favorite worship music on and my Bible with me; all is right with my soul.

i oftentimes feel heavy with the weight of this world. i realize i'm not part of this world and that my citizenship is heaven (Phil. 3:20), but still, i live here and frankly, sometimes it sucks.

i don't know that there's every been another time in my life where i've felt the negativity of people more than recently.

but, we talk about love and tolerance and compassion. and i honestly wonder if we even know what those words mean.

i can't define them for every person. but i can for myself.

for me, love is Christ. everything else is just a shadow of that and nothing will ever compare.

tolerance for me has always meant, respecting other's opinions even when they're not my own. when i respect i don't judge, bully, gossip or tarnish that person...just saying.

compassion is a pretty word. i like that it has the word passion in it...if i were to define it, i guess i'd have to say that having compassion is having passion for loving others, fiercely.


here's to loving fiercely, like Christ does.

chapter 11

2 Timothy 4:3-4

" For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."